are you serious?

I heard him say, “are you serious?” when he found out that the only available seats were to the left and right of me. I could tell in his voice that he was dying inside. He had to either find another seat on the opposite end of the classroom or sit next to me. Either way, he would have been separated from his lady friend. I could have just been the bigger, nicer person and opted to move down a seat to give them the opportunity to sit next to each other. (If that would have happened, he would have definitely chosen the seat farthest from me, of course.) However, I remembered something:  a. I got here first and I’m already settled, and b. I really don’t give a shit about their comfort. Excuse my french.

Kasey,  his ladyfriend gravitates to the seat to the right of me, where my purse gently lay. She asks, stupidly like everyone else, “is anyone sitting here?” I swear to god, one day I’m going to say,” yes, someone is sitting here. ” and if someone dares challenge me or tries to call me out on my lie, I’m going to say, “someone is sitting there! My imaginary friend is sitting there as we speak.” I know, I know that’s unprofessional, but I couldn’t care less.

So anyway, I say no, and I move my purse to the seat to the left of me. I don’t know why Adam hates me so much, but I don’t blame him…I hate myself more than anybody could ever dare try. It took everything  he had not to have to settle for my purse’s new seat. He asks, again stupidly, “Can I sit here? Is anyone sitting here?” as he inches his behind towards the seat regardless of my answer. Without saying anything or even looking him in the face/eye, I just move my purse to the dirty floor to signal a no and he sits down. He then has the nerve to ask me, “so, how was your birthday?”

REALLY? REALLY? ONE WEEK AFTER THE FACT! aaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

I wanted so badly to say FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU Adam! How dare you? Not even a happy birthday text from you.  LIKE YOU FUCKING CARE! YOU DON’T CARE, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! But I’m a punk, and I say, “It was okay.” My only regret was that I looked him in the eye when I answered. I shouldn’t have given him humane treatment. Then again, I’m a coward.

What the fuck was I gonna say? I spent it alone biking to the old market, eating a Subway sandwich and blowing $200 shopping with my best friend–my conscience, who also lacks self respect and self control? No, that “how was your birthday?” was just like a “how are you doing?”– you never honestly answer. I bet he thought it was a nice way to break the ice and show me that he does read my emails and remember what I say. He may not answer or follow through on plans that he brought up his damn self, like “hanging out” this summer, but he must have really thought he was back on my good side by asking me that. NOT!

FUCK! Now I have to sit on the opposite side of the classroom just to avoid these bastards.

I felt a sense of schadenfreude when I “split them up,” so to speak. If they want to sit together, maybe next time they’ll come to class earlier. Assholes!